Although it feels like my husband is attacking my character, in reality, the pain I'm feeling are the stabs my ego has taken over the past week. Nothing is as humbling than being angered because I've been wronged only to find that I'm guilty of the same offense, regardless of the ways I've found to justify my actions.
On March 11th, my husband left my car to be washed at the market at my request. At the end of the day when we went to pick up the car, it turned out that one of the kids working at the car wash had lost my key. It upset me, but the car wash owner, Bob, assured me that he would replace it. So I promptly sent him an estimate from Mitsubishi to replace the key with its remote, which amounted to $285.
Needless to say, Bob's eyes bulged out of their sockets when he saw it, but he said he'd take care of it. Seven weeks later, not only have we been given the run around, but we had it out. Bob even had the audacity to blame my husband for this incident reasoning that CP should not have given the key to the kid who came to pick it up in the first place. Mind blowing, huh? In conclusion, Bob said that if I want my key, we'll have to sue him. Meanwhile, the market's management has proven to be useless in assisting us with this matter. Given that there have been many other complaints besides this incident, there's no doubt this matter could be easily resolved by giving Bob an ultimatum: pay for the loss or damages or leave the market. End of story. Perhaps my methods are a bit dictatorial, but the fact is that someone needs to be an authority and the market's management has the most leverage.
Anyway, frustration, disgust, and disappointment set aside, this morning my husband pointed out that I'm no better than Bob when it comes to evading my debt collectors. Just as I finished complaining that Bob should be in integrity and honor his agreement by replacing the key he said he would pay for, my husband said that Sallie Mae provided me with a student loan that I have yet to pay for, despite the fact that I agreed to pay it back. I retorted that I have never not honored a personal loan or agreement with anyone and with the exception of my student loan, I have paid all my debts and past collections (Hey, we've all been through tough times). Although this is true, I'm still not feeling any better.
The fact is that I'm a hypocrite. My intentions have always been to pay back my student loan, it's just that it's such an intimidating amount that I don't even know how to begin making a dent in it. Each time I think about it, all I envision is Mt. Everest, throw my hands up in the air, and send the phone calls to voice mail. So now I'm questioning myself. Do I get to be upset that Bob is giving me the run around on a pending debt when I'm doing the same thing to Sallie Mae?
I feel ashamed and disappointed with myself even though I know that I'm right in the eyes of the law in the matter concerning my keys. We still intend to proceed with a small claims suit, but I suppose that I shouldn't be upset when Sallie Mae files one against me.
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