Some things are so predictable that they don't even arouse my anger anymore, just the dull throb of disappointment. In an effort to mend at least one broken fragment of the relationship between my mother and two of my uncles, I had an opportunity to reflect on how influential our upbringing is in who we become as adults. My mother is a drama queen, impossible to please or satisfy. Her mother is a drama queen, impossible to please or satisfy. I typically run in the opposite direction of drama queens, although I have had my own dramatic fits on a few occasions.
I envy people who gleefully recall their childhood memories because I don't remember much of it at all. Most of the memories I have are bitter at best. Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, I was not abused. I was just unhappy because of the way I was treated. Sadly, my family is oblivious to it since even when I have told them my about my childhood and adolescent experience, they give me a blank stare and ask me what I'm talking about. Perhaps that's the reason I've chosen a service career; maybe it's my way of making other people happy since it's not something I experienced often.
Sometimes I wish I was different. I'd like to be relaxed, light hearted, and sweet. Instead I'm usually an uptight opinionated smart-ass. My ego has taken a pretty hard beating throughout my childhood constatnly being put down, insulted, and criticized. It's unfortunate that I carried some of those awful things with me into adulthood, but at least I'm conscious of it and attempt to stop myself whenever I catch myself being a jerk.
I guess the point of writing this is to ask anyone reading this to be kind to the people you love, treat them with respect. Let them know how you feel and be sincere. Don't love them only when they're good to you or when they're doing favors for you. Don't expect the same feelings to be reciprocated, but if they are, be grateful. You can't control other people's emotions or experiences, but at least you can contribute to some happy memories in their lives.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Drawing the Line
Today I was pushed beyond my limits. I lost my cool and was infuriated by the blatant disrespect of one of my employees. It's something that's been irking me for several weeks, with one offense after another. I've spoken to him about it only to have it all go in one ear and right out the other. The tardiness, laziness, cockiness, arrogance, combativeness, and lack of accountability, reliability, and responsibility, finally took its toll.
I resisted the urge to impulsively fire him on the spot on several occasions, but today's topper was when I was told that I wasn't in fact being disrespected, but I was interpreting that what was happening was disrespect when in fact it wasn't. Well, now you're fired. Interpret that.
It's liberating in a way, since I have always been concerned about what would happen if my "star" employee were to leave. He knows the operation inside out, but you know what? Who cares? I decided not to have my business held hostage by an 18-year old high school drop out.
I resisted the urge to impulsively fire him on the spot on several occasions, but today's topper was when I was told that I wasn't in fact being disrespected, but I was interpreting that what was happening was disrespect when in fact it wasn't. Well, now you're fired. Interpret that.
It's liberating in a way, since I have always been concerned about what would happen if my "star" employee were to leave. He knows the operation inside out, but you know what? Who cares? I decided not to have my business held hostage by an 18-year old high school drop out.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Who Said This Would Be Easy?
The last couple of weeks have been like my own little black hole. There has been lots of production, a move, financial catastrophe, personnel and personal drama, and lots and lots of physical exhaustion, migraines, and back pain. So needless to say, guess who has been a cranky bitch?
Just to catch up, here's the semi-short version of a bunch of long stories. I moved my booths at the market from a 3 booth spot in "suburbia" to a 2 booth corner in the middle of the market's version of Manhattan. So now I have less space, but I do have location location location! Yay!... I think. Truth be told, it's impossible to predict how things will go in our bipolar market. Saturday was great, Sunday was bad enough to bring forth tears of utter frustration. I made the decision to eliminate the paninis, which had initially been the primary cornerstone of my business, because I simply got tired of spending so much money to replenish inventory that would either perish or had to be given away every weekend. Besides, with at least two other vendors now selling paninis and generally copying my concept, I decided to focus on some other aspects of my menu instead.
The anxiety that has come as a result of making such a drastic change has been kicking my butt all week. The truth is that this is hard. I'm sure there are infinitely more difficult things to do, but all of my eggs are not in those baskets, so all of my energy is focused into my little market(s). There are so many factors affecting my business, including many that are simply out of my control like the crummy economy, some of the market's restrictions, the tourist-less summer season, the heat (and occasionally the rain), and the apparent inability for the market to successfully advertise its existence. Based on customer feedback, I'm confident that my food and sauces are good, but there's always room for improvement.
My husband and I frequently bicker about our finances and everything I should or shouldn't be doing to improve the situation. I don't want my business to sink into mediocrity, but if it were up to him, I wouldn't sell anything but meatballs (I'm exaggerating a bit, but he is incredibly minimalistic). He has a valid point, but the fact is that the food industry is very different from IT and electronics. The motivating factors for our customers are completely different and the simple fact is that my patrons demand variety. I just wish my patrons were consistent. Few things are as annoying as people who stop at my booth, see my jars of pasta sauce, try my samples, and then say, "I think what you're doing in this place is wonderful. I just love this market. Good luck!", and then walk away without buying anything! The odds are that my luck would drastically improve if people would just buy something. Anything. Instead we've become a prime hangout for market mall rats who love to wander up and down the aisles for the sake of exercise.
Now I'm doing what I always do... figuring out what else I can do / make / sell / promote in order to bring something different into the market. It must be something that no one else will copy, but is easy and inexpensive to prepare. I have something in mind, but I'm giving it a lot of consideration. My husband said "no" (big surprise there), but my mom gushed about what a great idea it is. Sometimes I wish someone would just give me all the answers. Is that really too much to ask?
Just to catch up, here's the semi-short version of a bunch of long stories. I moved my booths at the market from a 3 booth spot in "suburbia" to a 2 booth corner in the middle of the market's version of Manhattan. So now I have less space, but I do have location location location! Yay!... I think. Truth be told, it's impossible to predict how things will go in our bipolar market. Saturday was great, Sunday was bad enough to bring forth tears of utter frustration. I made the decision to eliminate the paninis, which had initially been the primary cornerstone of my business, because I simply got tired of spending so much money to replenish inventory that would either perish or had to be given away every weekend. Besides, with at least two other vendors now selling paninis and generally copying my concept, I decided to focus on some other aspects of my menu instead.
The anxiety that has come as a result of making such a drastic change has been kicking my butt all week. The truth is that this is hard. I'm sure there are infinitely more difficult things to do, but all of my eggs are not in those baskets, so all of my energy is focused into my little market(s). There are so many factors affecting my business, including many that are simply out of my control like the crummy economy, some of the market's restrictions, the tourist-less summer season, the heat (and occasionally the rain), and the apparent inability for the market to successfully advertise its existence. Based on customer feedback, I'm confident that my food and sauces are good, but there's always room for improvement.
My husband and I frequently bicker about our finances and everything I should or shouldn't be doing to improve the situation. I don't want my business to sink into mediocrity, but if it were up to him, I wouldn't sell anything but meatballs (I'm exaggerating a bit, but he is incredibly minimalistic). He has a valid point, but the fact is that the food industry is very different from IT and electronics. The motivating factors for our customers are completely different and the simple fact is that my patrons demand variety. I just wish my patrons were consistent. Few things are as annoying as people who stop at my booth, see my jars of pasta sauce, try my samples, and then say, "I think what you're doing in this place is wonderful. I just love this market. Good luck!", and then walk away without buying anything! The odds are that my luck would drastically improve if people would just buy something. Anything. Instead we've become a prime hangout for market mall rats who love to wander up and down the aisles for the sake of exercise.
Now I'm doing what I always do... figuring out what else I can do / make / sell / promote in order to bring something different into the market. It must be something that no one else will copy, but is easy and inexpensive to prepare. I have something in mind, but I'm giving it a lot of consideration. My husband said "no" (big surprise there), but my mom gushed about what a great idea it is. Sometimes I wish someone would just give me all the answers. Is that really too much to ask?
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