Reflection

Some things are so predictable that they don't even arouse my anger anymore, just the dull throb of disappointment. In an effort to mend at least one broken fragment of the relationship between my mother and two of my uncles, I had an opportunity to reflect on how influential our upbringing is in who we become as adults. My mother is a drama queen, impossible to please or satisfy. Her mother is a drama queen, impossible to please or satisfy. I typically run in the opposite direction of drama queens, although I have had my own dramatic fits on a few occasions.

I envy people who gleefully recall their childhood memories because I don't remember much of it at all. Most of the memories I have are bitter at best. Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, I was not abused. I was just unhappy because of the way I was treated. Sadly, my family is oblivious to it since even when I have told them my about my childhood and adolescent experience, they give me a blank stare and ask me what I'm talking about. Perhaps that's the reason I've chosen a service career; maybe it's my way of making other people happy since it's not something I experienced often.

Sometimes I wish I was different. I'd like to be relaxed, light hearted, and sweet. Instead I'm usually an uptight opinionated smart-ass. My ego has taken a pretty hard beating throughout my childhood constatnly being put down, insulted, and criticized. It's unfortunate that I carried some of those awful things with me into adulthood, but at least I'm conscious of it and attempt to stop myself whenever I catch myself being a jerk.

I guess the point of writing this is to ask anyone reading this to be kind to the people you love, treat them with respect. Let them know how you feel and be sincere. Don't love them only when they're good to you or when they're doing favors for you. Don't expect the same feelings to be reciprocated, but if they are, be grateful. You can't control other people's emotions or experiences, but at least you can contribute to some happy memories in their lives.